Birthdays are good for you



This post dedicated to Mrs. M.

Having recently celebrated the 100th birthday of one of our clients, and next week celebrating my own (with a much less impressive number), I'm giving a lot of thought to these tours around the sun, hoping that I'm carrying with me through my own aging process even a fraction of the wisdom that's been passed along to me during my years of work in geriatric care management.

A few months ago, Richard Lederer, a local linguist, writer, and entertainer, posted the following on his Facebook page, in celebration of his 75th birthday. I share it with you today in the spirit of "about-to-be!"

I’m button-burstingly proud to announce today, Sunday, May 26, I turn 75 years of youth. Five years ago, I passed through the portal of my biblical threescore years and ten, and I've reached the point in my life when I have stopped lying about my age. Rather, I brag that I am so full years. I’m no longer a spring chicken; I’m a winter chicken. I’m no longer wet behind the ears; I’m dry behind the ...years. I’m no longer knee high to a grasshopper; I’m sky high above a grasshopper. I’m not a has-been. I’m an about-to-be. Yay! Yippee! Huzzah! Woo-hoo! What a ride!

Some of us try to turn back our life’s odometer. Others of us want people to know why we look this way. We admit that we have bumps and dents and scratches in our finish and the paint job is getting a little dull. And sure, the fenders are too wide to be in style and our seats are sagging. The battery no longer holds a charge, and the headlights have dimmed. The hoses are brittle, and much of the original tire tread is worn away. The transmission stays in low gear and doesn't easily shift to high. We don’t convert our fuel as efficiently as we used to, and climbing any hill is liable to cause sputtering. And whenever we sneeze or cough, our radiator seems to leak.

But you know what? We've traveled many, many miles, and some of the roads weren't paved. Wisdom and laughter are our shock absorbers. We've become classics.

And we’re not alone: Today, 518 million men and women worldwide are 65 or older, including more than one out of every eight people (13.4 percent) in the United States.

The poet Robert Browning wrote, “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made.” While growing older is mandatory, feeling old is optional. Attitude is ageless. More than two millennia ago, the Greek playwright Sophocles wrote, “One must wait until the evening to see how splendid the day has been.” Only at sunset is the day truly golden. The later the hour of the day, the longer the shadow you cast.

Gentle Reader: You’ll never be younger again than you are right now! You may be over the hill, but that’s better than being under the hill – and it’s not till you’re going downhill that you really pick up speed! Birthdays are good for you: The more of them you have, the longer you live.

There is only one way to live a long life, and that is to age. And there is only one way to age – with a smile. If you are able to laugh at yourself, you’ll never cease to be amused. After all, you’re only old once.

Adapted from The Gift of Age (Marion Street Press)

Age of Champions

It's time for another Elder Care Guides movie suggestion! "Age of Champions" is an uplifting story of a group of athletes—a 100-year-old tennis champion, 86-year-old pole vaulter, and a team of basketball grandmothers all chasing gold at the National Senior Games. The film captures the triumphant spirit of these competitors as they tackle the challenges of aging with grace, humor, and optimism. Win or lose, they inspire us to follow our dreams and find purpose at any stage of life.

"Age of Champions" is showing at the San Diego Film Festival this Saturday, October 1st at 12:30pm at the downtown Gaslamp Theatre. Buy your tickets now, and discover how you can build on your strengths, find your purpose, and become a champion too.

The Aging Caregiver Workforce

In the elder care industry, most focus on the clients, or the elders, and rightfully so. It is them for whom we care, center our business on, and assist in finding their purpose as they move through their elderhood. But what about the caregivers? At what place in their life journey are they?

Research shows that 22 percent of home care workers, or caregivers, are 55 or older. And that number is expected to grow to 30 percent over the next decade. Traditionally, most companies may be reluctant to hire and older worker for fear they aren't as productive, slower to catch on to new technologies, and could cost the company more in health benefits. Not so in the elder care industry.

Older workers are not only preferred, but sought out as caregivers. The typical older worker not only has experience caring for aging family members, but understands the stresses families are under, has respect for age, and doesn't see age as a disability. Most often, a good match can be found between an older caregiver and an elderly client, because of the greater chance for common interests and hobbies.

Additionally, the caregiving profession is often the perfect fit for an older worker. The flexible hours, the part time hours for those not needing health benefits, and most importantly, it creates a sense of purpose, caring for someone who values their help, something they enjoy doing, and do well.

Our Greatest Teachers

Last Thursday September 17th, we celebrated five years of service to San Diego County with several dozen of our friends and colleagues from the community. We enjoyed a beautiful late-summer evening on the promenade in Liberty Station, with food, wine, networking, and our delightful guest speaker, Marsha Kay Seff.

When we created Elder Care Guides in July of 2004, our goal was to design a care management system that does more than simply respond to the needs of the aging population. A skilled care manager can assess an unrecognized need before it becomes a crisis, and we have worked hard to remain flexible and nimble in the face of the constantly-changing needs of our clients and their representatives, and as the larger landscape of long term care undergoes significant changes. We provide services with a spirit of support and collaboration, and our community has responded.

When I asked Marsha to speak on the topic of the hidden powers of elders, she replied with the question, "What is hidden about their powers?" Through beautiful stories about her own parents, as well as the others she has had the good fortune to know through her quarter century of working and writing in San Diego's elder care community, Marsha painted a portrait of "geysers" (not "geezers") who continue to learn and teach, volunteer and contribute in their communities, participate politically, and leave important legacies to their families.

Through the years, we have learned that the challenges of aging are not something to be simply "managed," but that they are a gift, a set of strengths and resources from which we and our clients can learn and continue to grow. We thank everyone who joined us for being a part of an evening that was very special to all of us, and held those who could not be with us close to our hearts.

The Giving and Receiving of Care

On Tuesday afternoon, I made a home visit with a gentleman who has been a client of ours for nearly two years, and who has bonded deeply with his companion caregiver. As he described to me his gratitude for all of her assistance over the time that she's worked with him with tasks like bathing, preparing meals, and accompanying him on daily walks, I perceived his sense that the giving and receiving of care was a one-way street. I turned to his caregiver, and asked her to tell us something about what she has received during the time that she has been working with him. She told us about all of the things she has learned about San Diego from this client (an avid historian), her new appreciation for the beauty of a Protestant religious service (she is Catholic, but attends church with him at his chapel every Sunday), and about how much her English (which is her second language) has improved over the 18 months that they have been working together. Although her English is nearly grammatically perfect, she told him early on in their relationship that she was working to further improve it, and asked for his help when he noticed improper pronunciation or usage. She told us how invaluable she has found his assistance in this regard, how much she appreciates his kind ways of correcting her and teaching her about some of our language's oddities.

This struck me as an important lesson for us all, and brought to light a concept that is well-illuminated by William Thomas, M.D. in What Are Old People For?, his groundbreaking 2004 critique of the American long-term care system. He writes that "... the bulk of the suffering experienced by those confined to long-term care environments is due to the plagues of loneliness, helplessness, and boredom," and calls for a radical transformation in not only the provision of care but our deeply held beliefs about aging. The antidote to helplessness, according to Dr. Thomas, is the opportunity to give as well as to receive care. 

I watched my client's face light up in a huge smile as the caregiver spoke that afternoon, and knew that he was seeing for the first time the positive impact their time working together has had upon her as the care giver, as well as himself as the care receiver. It gave me a chance to reflect on the ways that we as care managers, and all of us who care about an older person, can create opportunities for late-life development. The moments are all around us.