Elder Abuse - A Personal Story (part 2)

Continuing story from Elder Abuse - A Personal Story (part 1):

As already described, while visiting with my mother in the nursing home, I discovered that she was being abused by someone in the facility. Although her cognitive abilities were intact, she did have aphasia caused by her stroke and the only word she could verbalize was "waiter" which really held no specific meaning.

Since my mother couldn't identify her abuser by naming her, I had to come up with another way for mom to let me know who this person was. I wanted to inform the facility Administrator immediately but my mother, in her way, begged for me to hold off. She had such a look of fear, I realized she was afraid of retribution so I devised a new plan.

The plan was to push my mom in her wheelchair throughout the facility coming at various times of the day so I could cover all the different shifts. When we came upon the individual, my mom was to put her foot down, stopping the wheelchair, grab my hand and acknowledge the person.With this plan understood and agreed to, we entered the building and proceeded towards her wing.

It was a busy time and many of the staff were in the area. All at once, a caregiver (I'll call Mary- not real name) stepped out from a room. My mother put her foot down and grabbed my hand. Mary came directly over to mom, putting her arms around her in a hug and giving her a big kiss. The look on my mother's face said everything, there was fear, disgust and revulsion.

Mary had worked with my mother for a few years and was a very friendly type. Because of this, I had to ask my mom if she was sure that Mary was the abuser. She nodded yes, but I still hesitated because this all happened so quickly. I looked mom directly in the eyes and asked again, she grabbed my hand squeezed it, nodded and started to cry.

We immediately went to the Administrator, explained the situation and resulting discovery. He asked mom a few questions and agreed to take Mary off her care. Because of mom's aphasia she could not identify Mary verbally so they couldn't fire her but two years later, after my mother had passed away, I met some people who had had their relative at the same nursing facility and at the same time. They told me they had personally caught Mary abusing their relative. She was fired on the spot.

This experience ignited my resolve to help advocate for those who have no one to speak on their behalf and it is why I became an Ombudsman and ultimately a geriatric care manager. Sadly, my mother's story is not unusual but with more awareness of elder abuse and involvement in the programs helping prevent it, we will make a change.